A day I'll never forget..

In one's life there's surely some moments at which we've locked inside in our minds forever..

Yesterday was a really tiring day, waking up early in the morning at 5.30am, getting prepared for my clinical posting at ophthalmology ward, and of course the ward was famous for the lecturer involved, from all of my course mates experience entering that ward, it was never a pleasant experience. The lecturer was strict and she likes to ask nonsense!! Some of us were even being labeled as class E or G students, and being accused for not bringing along our brain during posting. Oh, whatever. All the complaints that I've heard has somehow make me immune to it. In my mind, I don't even give a damn if she want to scold me stupid or anything. Let her out, maybe that's her therapy in releasing tension.

So, with a relaxed mind and slightly prepared (it was so exhausting the day before and with tonnes of assignments waiting, I just studied important component.) Me and my other group members head off to the ward. As soon as she came in, all of my group members was shocked since she came in earlier than we thought. The rest? herm..We got scolded as 'bengong' bla bla..But I'm cool, to me 'bengong' is still considerable. The clock is ticking slowly, but I just want to go through that ward and preparing for my afternoon posting. Yes, it's 12.30pm!! and I'm free..Phew, luckily I don't get hurt emotionally or else I can't proceed to the next ward..

After having lunch, I went to the neurology ICU ward at 2pm until 4pm. As usual, I do have the feeling of performing some procedures, but unfortunately due to inferiority and feeling insecure, I decide not to touch anything. So we have bedside teaching by the staff nurses in-charge. approximately 3.30pm, the ward suddenly went chaos when an 8-month old baby was having nose-bleed and his blood pressure went so low they immediately call for the doctor. I'm not very clear about the real situation but as soon as I saw something wrong, I went in to see what's happening. All I can see was the doctors were trying to rescucitate the baby and a nurse provides oxygen through bagging. The mother was standing aside and crying.

What's happening? Why everyone suddenly gone chaos because of this baby? Is the baby going to be ok? Will he recover again? Suddenly one of my friend informed me that the baby has sepsis which is the blood stream infection. They've realised something wrong when they found out his hands were cold andthe lips went blue. But before that the baby suffered from many other chronic illness such as meningitis and hydrocephalus. His folder was so thick, I assumed that he must have been in the hospital for quite a long time. Still not wanting to give up yet the doctors tries to recovers the baby's heart beat and blood pressure to normal. I was trying to comfort the mother but didn't even realised that I was also worried and anxious about the baby. At 4pm, everyone was leaving except for me and one of my good friend. Looking at each other without saying a word, we choose to stay for a little while. The ventilator machine was not showing any progress either..

15 minutes later, one of the doctors stopped the rescucitation. Shaking his head and after discussing, they decide to let the baby go..Walking towards the poor mother:" I'm sorry madam, but this is all we can do, we've tried our best, maybe you would like to have your last word with your son.."

Unable to control her feelings, she cried out loud..Calling and asking for her son not to leave her. All of sudden tears came rolling down my cheek..I'm not sure why..Maybe I was too tired? And maybe I really don't want that baby to go..I never knew his mother or the baby himself, and yet why I was crying? Somehow I was trying to put myself in her shoes..Just imagine the relationship between the mother and son..He was only 8 months old, but I can feel that their relationship was so strong..She has been accompanying him all the time when he was in the hospital, from the moment she gave birth to him, taking care of him, feeding him, see him smiling and crying and watching every progress..There's alot of memories they share together..Now that she lost him, she knew she'll never see him again.

I can't bear to watch her say goodbye to the baby, and I try to calm myself from being emotional, heading off to wash my hand and saying good bye to the staff nurses in-charge. As soon as I came out from the ward, I cried again..It makes me feel depressed, that I can't do anything for him..Even till today, the calm innocent face that was lying cold on the bed, is still fresh in my mind..Death is normal in everyday life, each start will come to an end, as nothing lasts forever and eternity..But as for me, I'll never forget this moment for the rest of my life..