Thoughts for Thoughts.

Hey guys, it's been long after my last entry. It's not that I'm too busy, I do have plenty of sleep though.:p It's just pure laziness. Ha!

Whatever it is, it's our last week of practical, and this time for good! As for the next week, we'll be having visits to PUSAKAS, orphanage and also Rumah Seri Kenangan and maybe Pusat Serenti (if it's confirmed). Time flies, don't you think? Can't wait to be home! (Miss you Mama and Papa!:3)


Keh, just wana shared some of my thoughts lately which I'm sure most of us will be thinking of.

---> Honestly, there's been a lot of news here and there from my friends about furthering their studies. I mean, it's a really great opportunity since we're sill young, why not to? :) But still when this question comes to me, I'll have to say that for now, I don't have the intention to do so. Truth is, I do and is really excited about pursuing my studies again especially in Nursing. It's just that there's too many things to consider. I choose to be faithful to my parents in this lifetime. Please do not misunderstood what I mean, it's not that if your pursuing your studies means you're not filial to your parents keh?:p


My mother is a housewife and is no longer working and my father is a waiter in a hotel. He serves food and drinks, even doing room services, there's only one person working per shift and in order to have extra income he even take the job as a driver to sent his colleague home. But of course, his salary may not be high like other man did, still, that's how he supported our family all this while. And I'm very proud to say this out because I want YOU, YOU and YOU out there to always appreciate the presence of our parents, for it's because of them that we're here today.


They have been my source of strength all this while and doing everything so that I'll get what I want. All I want is the best for them as well.


Having me to further my studies means I need money. I do admit that I'm envious with some of my friends who has set their long term goal much better than mine. My decision might sound stupid and thoughtless. (even I don't really understand what I'm thinking). And for the first time in my life, I feel so certain about this. Which is why I've chosen to give up studying (for the time being, ain't forever keh?) and work for now, and help my father so that he can retire as soon as possible. I may not be doing it well, but I'll give all out for this. What may the future offers me? Let's just wait and see. ^_^ Please pray that I'll pass my nursing board exam and get a good job! And to all of my batch mates who will continue their studies, just do it, and never hesitate. I will definitely provide my support. All the best and May God provide strength in everything you guys have wished for. *Cheers*

Is currently listening to IU's " The Story Only I Didn't Know."

"When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses." ~Joyce Brothers

The Encounter with World's Most Innocent Objects.:D

For the past 6 weeks, I've been going through a hell of time with the deadline for research coming near together with the very boring O&G posting and exhilarating Neonate & Paeds. ( For once, I do think O&G is definitely not my field.) It was so stressful that I can barely breathe, even my brain wasn't functioning well.:D

However that's not the main point, thesis has been submitted and now I need to focus on presentation next week. Still, I do have sometime to sit back and relax. Alot of movies and drama's to catch up as well~!:p

Since it's been long that I've never updated my blog, hereby I attach some photo's of babies which captured my heart!

First, in Labour Room.

Cute round object #1, is the earliest baby born that morning when morning shifts started. She's really one cool girl~!

Ah, I've told you no photos~! (I guess I woke her up coz of this.)

Blek~!:D sooooo adorable don't you think?

Cute object #2: Found @ Special Care Nursery. Name: Siti Ayuni. She's one of those that attracts me with her bluntness. Definitely looks blur, and only cries when she wants hug or milk.

Man, she always give me this look. Not really responding to what I say.T_T

She may look normal to some of you, 3 months old, small and fragile. Her mother is a cervical cancer survivor, diagnosed when she was 4 months pregnant to Ayuni. Despite knowing the fact that she's pregnant, doctors advised her mother to proceed with chemotherapy. Months later, Ayuni was born, BUT, with massive complications. Which is why she still can't do some things normally done by a 3-month old child. That blank stare. If only I can take her home with me.

Ann Mei and her baby gemuk, serious, if he cries, the whole ward heard him.*_*

Can you see her eyes? It's getting teary. Heee...(No photos of me since I look like a mess from tsunami or something.)

Haha, she's sleepy, time for some bottle-feeding~!

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, as they are the charming gardeners who make our soul blossoms.-Marcel Proust.

Random report for this week.

It's been quite some time since the last time I've updated this blog. Too lazy to move I guess. Haha. Anyways just a short note regarding this week, boring posting, massive outing, Rachel's birthday celebration and also alot of cam-whoring! Seriously got mixed feelings about it! And next week is my proposal presentation, which I haven't prepared at all.Getting so nervous right now I can't even think properly! But I don't feel like doing anything either..T_T Taking photo while going to Mydin, believe me it was sakai enuf that ppl are all looking at us!:D

Next headed to Leng's room to prepare for Rachel's birthday!!:)

LOL, none stop cam-whoring..Seriously crazy.
Potential legs with varicose vain due to prolonged standing.SAD!T_T

The special pizza we ate that day, it was nice! Well don't ask me bout the fish, I have no idea where on earth does it came from.

Every little thing that makes you happy..

Haha, seriously can't help myself from laughing because today was indeed it was a really great day!

One of the reason is because I didn't get scolded by my facilitator for the TL tasks today, and got to work with a bunch o Diploma boys and girls! They've been really cooperative which makes it damn fun!:)

Another reason is because I got a special delivery from a friend, Sim Lee. Hee, although she is not here right now, far away from Kelantan, it was surprising that she bother to deliver me a CD, and it's not a normal CD, it's from W-inds! 2009 Sweet Fantasy Concert Live at Hong Kong!

Haha, apparently she won it from a competition! Congratulations lo!

Hahaha, can't help myself from stop laughing coz in a really high mood right now! Below I'll show you the items, she sent to me. Thanks my dear friend for remembering my presence, it really made my day, thanks for your support, I'll try my best! Let's strive harder for our study and life, and hopefully we'll make it to W-inds 10th anniversary concert!!:p

The W-inds DVD, Live Tour, 2009 Sweet Fantasy In Hong Kong~!

The letter with very unique piece of paper..:D Thanks for the encouragement, I'm more motivated now!

SHINee's poster! Choi Min-Ho, Onew, Jong-Hyun, Key and Tae-Min!!WUHOOO!!

Tada, my latest possessions! Can't let them go of my hands...Muahaha..:D Thank you once again Sim Lee~!

"The world would be so lonely, in sunny hours or gray. Without the gift of friendship, to help us everyday.." - Hilda Brett Farr

Money, Money, Money..

Yay, went for small shopping spree today with my roomate Miss Nana and Dora to Mydin. Was thinking of going to psar malam after that. Got everything I needed, I guess?

----> Lady's Choice Peanut Butter with Chocolate Stripes RM 7.95(Best item bought today! Has been searching for it last week but no stock, finally!)

----> Fab Colour (cheap, RM 10.90 with extra 400gm)

----> Maggi Mee Asam Laksa RM 4.39 (Thank to Grete the Grapes yang telah membuatkan saya jatuh cinta sama ini flavour)

----> Nutriplus Egg RM 3.59 (Grade A with golden yolk for my maggi mee..yahoo..)

----> Pati ayam Brand's RM26.30 (was having cold extremities lately, mama suggest that I buy this to actually warm up my temperature and it's good for circulation, have to buy coz scared later mama scold me)

----------------------> Total: RM 56.95..

Next we head to Pasar Malam nearby and I bought a glass of cincau with Nasi Goreng Ikan Masin. ----> Total: RM 3.00

Got back and was quite dissapointed with the nasi goreng, man, the prawn taste raw!! But still, luckily it's only RM2, if not I think I prefer have Maggi for dinner instead. And thanks to the cincau, it really saves my day.:)

Awkard-ness..:p

Man, this is my first time writting a blog 12.31am in the morning..Having deep thoughts of what to do tomorrow, yes. Research. Research. Life do sucks at times. Especially when you need to finish your proposal with 3 chapter within 2 weeks. (Despite the fact that my proposal presentation will only be on mid of October) It gives you the feeling of nausea and giddiness.

Now listening to Big Bang's song "Tell Me Goodbye". Sounds great, it has been filling my ears for like few hours already. Speaking about this week, a lot of drastic things happened that seriously makes me feel slightly unhappy. But whatever it is, life goes on. And only you yourself can change it, whether you want it to be good or bad in the end.

In conclusion, I'm just plain bored. Start bla bla-ing and I think now it's time for me to sleep. Oyasuminasi neh.:D

A letter for you.

I'm writing this letter for a very special person, since I don't have much courage to face you, this is the only thing I can do to convey my last message to you. Sorry if the presence of this letter disrupts the flow of your life. But still there's alot of thing that I've been wanting to mention to you but I'm unable to because I'm scared it will hurt you. Not that I never have happy moments with you that I still remember till today, but watching how everythng changed drastically makes me think. What have we gone through that you've changed like this? I'm not a perfect person, and I know I've made alot of mistakes too.

But thinking back how we've known each other and learning both ways, it amazed me that somehow there's someone special like you who've managed to enlightened my life pulling me through the darkness and make me see those beautiful skies. It was heartbreaking to find that nothing is everlasting, promises made but none of it has come true, I know I dont deserve it at all because I too didnt manage to do anything or you. Amazingly, thorugh we never met, but there was a sense of calmness while talking to you. As time goes by, feelings do change and the old situation no longer exist, suddenly I felt like I'm talking to another stranger. It was painful to go through the process of adapting to the 'new' you..Was crying for few days thinking what could I have done wrong. am I not being good enough? Am I being too selfish at times that I never tried to understand you? Am I being too stupid that I'm not able to understand the changes you've gone through? All of this has been lingering in my mind till today. One thing you never realised, is that once you've made this decision, is it going to affect only you? Did you ever consider about me, who was also affected by it? To realise that old promises will no longer become true, and to realise that I can no longer depend on you, was like giving me a major tasks to retidy myself, back to zero. It's hard to not get upset. Slowly I've realised my major mistakes all this while, being too dependent on you, when I thought you're the one I can count on. Maybe that is why, I can't even learn how to let go just yet.



What I regret the most after the fight, was the drastic change in you. No more concern, even if there was, it was only temporary. Did you ever think of how I feel when I've heard your voice on the phone, how much I've wanted the old you back. It was selfish and childish, I admit. How to expect someone to change for me when I myself can never really do that. I know I'm a passive speaker but I'm listening attentively to you, because everything that you've said matters alot and I'm trying my best to make it up to you. I may not be able to express everything just like you did, because to me you have alot more things to worried about, making you worried is the last thing I ever wanted to do, for your thoughts matters alot to me. I may not be able to go and console just like the rest but trying to listen to your problem whenever you're down, I'm willing to do it.


And about jealousy, yes, I do admit that I'm jealous that I'm not able to be with you when you need me and to have meal with you and talking about everything in your life. But did you ever think of putting yourself on my shoes? People always say they understands, but how they know what it feels, when they are not actually you, yourself? But it was dissapointing that you never really understand who I am. Like I've said before, female are of very fragile creature, we are sensitive and even the smallest thing matters alot. Even a simple phone call, or even a simple sms may affect our whole day. I dont know how many times I've been trying to hold myself back from you, trying to avoid myself from being angry and get mad at you, for you dont deserve to be treated like that.



Did you ever appreciate my presence when I'm with you..? After several months of long distance conversation, finally I get the chance to come over for the first time to meet you. I was touched when I found out that you were actually waiting for me to come. Getting nervous and restless, I can't even sleep that night, because I've been longing to see you too. Somehow or rather, it was dissapointing to find out, that I may not be just like you've ever wanted, as a person you have in mind. Was totally dissapointed when I look at how you were looking back at me, because it's just like disrespsecting me. But I guess, there must have been a small disaster going round in your head. I'm sorry if all the pictures that you've seen before doesn't really reflect who I am right now. I am after all, not that beautiful and curvy like other people did. But when I looked at you for the first time, can't deny that I've finally met the real you! And the main reason why I was there is to have sometime lone with you, to tidy back all the mess I've done and to know how each of us feel about our relationship. Unfortunately, I've missed the chance to do so..But then, I think it doesn't really matter anymore for looking at your smile, the smile is still the same. Was lucky that somehow I managed to capture it into my heart so that I'll be able to remember it for the rest of my life. There's alot of things that I've wanted to share with you and was hoping that the day will never end.



One thing for sure, to forget you..Is never easy. But maybe that's how life goes, people come and go. Spending some time with you even though for this short period of time, are some of the most precious moment I ever had. It was like riding a roller coaster, exciting and fun, but when it's time to settle down, that's the time when you need to leave the seat and go on. Thank you for being with me, for all your love and concern, there's nothing else to replace the feeling..Wishing that you'll go through everyday with happiness and you'll succeed in everything you do. Never stop smiling because it means alot to everyone else around you. And today, is our 1st date anniversary, remember? Happy Last Anniversary..Whatever it is, thank you once again, I'm hoping you'll get the best in life, for every mistakes I've done and those damage that I can never repair, I'm sorry and I Love You.